I have only just recently felt confident to articulate and share my learnt opinion.
Pure Love is unconditional love.
Do we really know what unconditional love is?
I have heard so many people say they have it. There are those who demand it. As a mother historically, I would have said it is the feeling you have for your child.
Yes, a loving parent loves their child however, is the deep love they have for them unconditional? Do they have any expectations of them? Calling home, giving a present, being at a funeral or, behaving a certain way to reflect they are from a well brought up and loving family, are a few examples of conditions.
Special occasions are a clear way to highlight expectations and conditions.
So much pressure is put on special occasions. We must call, see loved ones, show we care with presents and be cheerful. All of those things are expectations. If we don’t receive attention or time during these occasions, we may feel unimportant or not worthy.
Think of a special occasion and then think of being on your own at that time. No-one calls you, sends you anything or, comes to see you. What does that feel like? Are you feeling rejected and hurt?
If you have any expectations or you are the one being expected of, then the love given or received is not pure. That love has attachments.
The emotional bonds we form with one another are entwinned with a personal need to validate we are loved and wanted. That personal need gets tangled in our belief of what love means. We HAVE to show it. We MUST show it. It will reflect badly on us if we don’t show it. It is NOT ENOUGH to have it.
Parental and Child Attachment
For those who have heard of Attachment Theory, they will be aware of parenting styles and the effect various ones can have on a child.
Attachment Theory is based on the bonds formed between an infant and their primary caregiver. The styles include: secure, ambivalent and avoidant.
How you have been parented in your younger years may programme your traits.
If you have had a loving secure and consistent upbringing you tend to be more likely to flourish than those who have had more disorganised, confusingly inconsistent or harmful exposures.
As a child entering adulthood, you may continue to be defined by your parent’s style or, you can learn from it and choose to be the adult you want to be. That will take dedicated time to de-programme and re-programme effectively.
In general terms for parents, once your parental responsibilities cease; this tends to start around 14 and ends 16/18, your work in raising your child/children is done. Time to fully let go. Hard to hear? Harder to do!
This doesn’t mean you sever your relationships, unless you wish to. It simply means both parties learning to let one another continue each of your lives as individuals on separate paths of self-discovery.
For those who don’t release the parent/child roles, you will continue working hard to hold onto your attachments which could hinder growth for all involved.
How can you let go?
A great starting point is to learn to embrace each other’s differences and stages of life. Where are you at? What would you like to do? How do you think you can achieve that? What would you like from me?
Don’t interfere with how you would do it. Don’t expect anything in return for your understanding, especially if it isn’t what you would like them to do. Don’t demand anything from one another. Such as lending money, keeping in touch etc.
This is your life; you find your own way. Understand the relationship is now a two-way street. Genuinely accept one another, regardless of choices in how you continue forward. You can empathise, guide and share wisdom whilst keeping respect. Respect is key. If you have respect for yourself and others, then you will have kindness. Being kind is always a positive way to achieve personal satisfaction in whatever you choose to do.
If your son or daughter chooses to separate for a while, that’s okay. By thinking of them learning about themselves and life, making mistakes and having fun without you, is all okay. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It is where their path is taking them for now. And for parents who choose to have time alone to discover who they are once their responsibilities for another is over, that is okay. They are discovering their next life stage too.
Knowing this, accepting this and being truly happy for one another, will begin to open the door to pure love. Unlike conditional love, this love can never be tarnished, be upsetting or, broken.
“Let go and true love will always come back”
True love is pure. It is the be all and end all of our essence. It is all consuming and beautifully blissful. It is a self-realisation of who we ultimately are. It may take oodles of time, even lifetimes to master. It is hard and sometimes painful work as we learn to surrender and believe in it. No pain, no gain. There will be glimpses of the joy it can bring along the way. This will help us to energise ourselves in striving forward towards reaching it in totality.
Awareness is always the start in us finding our Truth.
We then have to study ourselves. Our motives and what they are rooted in. Cheat, don’t study, skip a class and we will be put back on lesson repeat. No matter how old you are, you may find yourself stuck in pre-school. That repeat may find you feeling gloomy as you tire of getting the same basic, non-progressive life lessons.
I can assure you that once you have had a taste of Pure Love, you will want to work hard. It is a natural driver within every single one of us. The more people who are aware of and who understand this, the brighter our world will be.
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